Anniversaries are important markers in our lives that can elicit a wide range of emotions. October 1st is one of those days for me. If my marriage didn’t end in divorce, I would have been celebrating my 34th wedding anniversary today. It was also 3 years ago today I decided to start this blog.
I’ve experience countless ups and downs since walking down the aisle and starting my online venture… heck, I had a half dozen ups and downs since breakfast! Just as the image below demonstrates, a life well lived isn’t linear – if it were it we’d be dead.
Unfortunately, this image also resembles my weight fluctuations over the years (this is the only area in my life I wish would flatline!). It would be nice to know what it feels like to wear the same outfit year after year rather than rifling through my select-a-size wardrobe.
Although I managed to lose a few pounds last month (yay!), I am cautiously optimistic. This up-down-up-down on the scale is as natural to me as my in-out-in-out breathing. Blogging about my struggle with my weight has given me an opportunity to analyze my unhealthy relationship with food (Ha! I’m my own shrink!). What I’ve learned is my overeating never had anything to do with hunger, but rather a means to suppress feelings of discomfort that arise. When an issue comes up, I start mentally binging on it like a jacked-up gerbil on a hamster wheel – round and round and round and round! I’m not saying I’m cuckoo like Cocoa Puffs, but I am rather tenacious when my mind starts to spiral and I get caught in a loop of negative thinking. Then I turn to flour and sugar products to flood my mind with all the (temporary) feel good chemicals they release in my brain to drown the negative ones… boy, it’s crowded in my noggin!
I often think of the Israelites whose exodus from Egypt to the Promise Land should have taken just 11 days, but instead, their stinking thinking and headstrong ways had them going in circles in the wilderness for 40 years! Can you imagine the well-worn path they must have made?! Eventually, well-worn paths become ruts, and the deeper the rut, the harder it is to get out of.
Well guess what, I’M AN ISRAELITE! My life, like everyone with a pulse, will go up and down, but mine also goes round and round at the same time! Round and round she goes, where she’ll stop nobody knows. How do I get off this crazy ride?!
The only way is to PAUSE… to STOP dead in my tracks and not take another step on the road that leads me right back where I started. I want to get out of my rut and into a groove. To me, being in a “rut” is a mechanical, tedious exercise in futility that gets you nowhere, whereas being in “groove” is a rhythmical movement with a lot of shimming, swaying and sass – just ask Stella!
Therefore, with the desire get out of my rut, I am going to hit the PAUSE button on a few activities, including writing the blog for a while. This is not goodbye, but rather a brief hiatus until I am out of my wilderness and walking towards my promised land.
Until then, I wish you all good health and happiness.
To find out what I lost last month, click here.