The Saddlebags of Truth

My favourite movie montage of all time is the training sequence in the 1976 blockbuster, Rocky. Set to Gonna Fly Now, this three-minute clip encapsulates the determination of pop culture’s most famous underdog.

This song revs me up every time – that’s why it’s been on my workout playlist for years! I instantly channel my inner Italian Stallion when it comes on and somehow I manage to run faster than my thunder thighs can take me. I pump out 3, sometimes 4, push-ups! Whoot! Whoot! I even feel the strong desire to bolt up a flight of stairs two at a time just so that I can do a victory dance when I get to the top. Heck, I’d even wail on side of beef if I had access to a meat locker! Can I get a ‘Yo! Adrian!’ from the congregation?!

But that was Rocky’s epic montage, not mine. If I was to create one based on the last month of my life it would pretty much be a sequence of me playing tug-of-war with myself… one side pulling me into a vat of flour and sugar, the other pulling me out of it… and guess what, ME always wins. Depending on the day, the track playing would either be Britney Spears’, Oops!… I Did It Again, whenever I succumbed to my drug, or MC Hammer’s, You Can’t Touch This, when I resisted.

I’ve had four breaks in the last 15-months, and after the first three, I got right back on track. Unfortunately, that hasn’t been the case when I broke the last time. I’m not only embarrassed to admit I haven’t had more than 5 straight days of continuous abstinence since returning from vacation last month, but I’m freaking out because my food obsession is stronger than ever. If you’re an addict you’re either in recovery or relapse. If I was an alcoholic, you would say I’ve fallen off the wagon. In programs for food addiction, we refer to it as being off the beam.

I’ve reached out to experienced, long-term members who’ve been in where I am today and they tell me my disease is manifesting itself, and I’m choosing the disease. Rocky wouldn’t have chosen the disease; he would have fought back! As much as I want to be a champ like Rocky, I find myself relating to another legendary icon… Pinocchio.

You all know what happened to poor Pinocchio when he was mischievous…. Well, the same thing happens to this food addict when she’s naughty, but instead of sprouting a super schnoz, I sprout the saddlebags of truth!

Since falling off the beam a month ago they’ve grown 1.5 inches!!! If you ever want to know how I’m doing mentally, emotionally, or spiritually, read my hips! I’ve gained 5 lbs. since last month’s weigh-in, and although that doesn’t seem like a lot, it’s a big deal for a food addict.

Ironically, I was just 5 lbs. away from my goal when I began this downward spiral. If I didn’t know any better, I would say this is a classic case of self-sabotage. I guess the appropriate song for where I find myself today would be Simon and Garfunkel’s, Slip Slidin’ Away, because the nearer I get to my destination, the more I’m slip slidin’ away.

For my monthly measure up results, click here.