Anniversaries, birthdays, New Year’s day etc., all measure time, and prompt me to pause and reflect on the growth and changes, if any, that have transpired from one year to the next.
Today is the second anniversary of launching the blog – I can’t believe how time has flown by, and yet in the 365 days times 2 that have been lived, loved, learned, and lamented in, subtle changes have occurred that have a very different Mare clicking away at the keyboard.
In my inaugural post titled ‘Before and Before’ I shared a bit of my lifelong struggle with my weight, and how I hoped to undergo a physical transformation, so one day I would add my first ever ‘after’ photo in my album full of befores.
Despite my success on the scale since starting my journey, my struggle continues. However, it’s the way I’ve learned to handle my problem that has changed. Like most, I would have loved an instant solution and results, but taking the scenic route in search of my after these last 2 years has taught me more about who I am and what makes me tick, or in my case, what leads me to the fridge.
Number 1 – I am a food addict. I hate it. I don’t want to be one, but when I accept that fact and put my recovery first, I am successful not only on the scale, but mentally and emotionally as well. By doing so, I have the serenity that comes from accepting the things I cannot change, and finding the courage to change the things I can. The trick is knowing the difference.
Number 2 – I must weigh and measure my life as well as my food. I have a tendency to overextend myself and it eventually leads to burnout. Unfortunately, I lost sight of that knowledge last month and turned to my hardcore drugs of choice – chips and chocolate. My life had become unmanageable in the days leading up to my daughter’s wedding, and I gave in to my go-to stress reliever, instead of reaching out for support. Even happy stress can trigger a break for an addict if they don’t regain balance.
Number 3 – I have to be careful that solitude doesn’t lead to isolation. I’m typing this post up at my sister’s cottage – a place where I come to be reset and rejuvenated. This is the good kind of alone. The dangerous alone is what I did when I lost control just days before the wedding. When the pressure escalated, I isolated and downed the foods that numbed me for decades, instead of reaching out to my community of fellow addicts for help. What scared me about my recent episode was how voracious I went at my drug despite being clean for over 8 months.
Number 4 – As an addict, time means nothing! You can be abstinent for decades and think you’ve got your disease under control, but as they say in the program, “while you’re working on your recovery, your addiction is in the parking lot doing pushups”. Ironically, it was in a parking lot, isolated in my car, that I broke my abstinence. So, while I mark the anniversary of starting this blog, I can recognize how far I’ve come, but I can never forget that the only day that matters in my recovery is today.
Wherever this post meets you today, my hope is that you feel encouraged to take a step toward your own change. It can be found one day at a time.
The Results Are In
To find out how much I lost last month, click here.