Being an addict of any kind compromises your quality of life. Actually, you’re not really living, you’re subsisting – a slave to your drug. The insidious nature with my substance of choice is we all need it to survive. Drug addicts can stop using. Gamblers can stop betting. Alcoholics can stop drinking. However, if a food addict stops eating, we’ll die – yet, if we keep eating the way we do, we’ll die. So, where does recovery from this addiction lie?
It’s a daily battle that demands rigorous honesty. Having a clear, strategic plan of eating (weighed, measured, and timed foods that are free of flour and sugar). Staying in daily contact with a support group, and most importantly, surrendering to your Higher Power.
Surprisingly, I am not finding this confining at all… quite the contrary! It’s the most liberating place I’ve been throughout my weight loss journey, because it has NOTHING to do with weight loss, and everything to do with restoring my sanity around food, and beyond! I can breathe now. I’m not living in my head, where my dark companions, fear, doubt, and insecurity ruled for decades. Ironically, I tried to quell them with food, but in reality, I nourished them while they depleted me.
People are beginning to comment on my weight loss on a daily basis now. I not only see it myself (body image distortion is a real problem for food addicts), but I feel it too. I’ve lost weight before, but this time it feels different. I’m deflating slowly and steadily, like someone letting the air out of a beach ball, and I would never have gotten to where I am today if I didn’t hit rock bottom after my epic binge two months ago. When I was going through it, I was angry with God for not saving me as I spiralled downward into my personal hell. I realize now He didn’t abandon me, He allowed it to happen because He loves me. I had to get to the end of myself, before I could face the reality of my disease and admit that I’m powerless against it on my own.
Since reaching out for help, I have found a new freedom. Although nothing has changed in my world, my perception has. I don’t know what tomorrow holds, but today, food doesn’t have a hold on me, and for that I am grateful.