When Hitting Rock Bottom ROCKS!

Being an addict of any kind compromises your quality of life. Actually, you’re not really living, you’re subsisting – a slave to your drug. The insidious nature with my substance of choice is we all need it to survive. Drug addicts can stop using. Gamblers can stop betting. Alcoholics can stop drinking. However, if a food addict stops eating, we’ll die – yet, if we keep eating the way we do, we’ll die. So, where does recovery from this addiction lie?

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It’s a daily battle that demands rigorous honesty. Having a clear, strategic plan of eating (weighed, measured, and timed foods that are free of flour and sugar). Staying in daily contact with a support group, and most importantly, surrendering to your Higher Power.

Surprisingly, I am not finding this confining at all… quite the contrary! It’s the most liberating place I’ve been throughout my weight loss journey, because it has NOTHING to do with weight loss, and everything to do with restoring my sanity around food, and beyond! I can breathe now. I’m not living in my head, where my dark companions, fear, doubt, and insecurity ruled for decades. Ironically, I tried to quell them with food, but in reality, I nourished them while they depleted me.

People are beginning to comment on my weight loss on a daily basis now.  I not only see it myself (body image distortion is a real problem for food addicts), but I feel it too. I’ve lost weight before, but this time it feels different.  I’m deflating slowly and steadily, like someone letting the air out of a beach ball, and I would never have gotten to where I am today if I didn’t hit rock bottom after my epic binge two months ago. When I was going through it, I was angry with God for not saving me as I spiralled downward into my personal hell. I realize now He didn’t abandon me, He allowed it to happen because He loves me. I had to get to the end of myself, before I could face the reality of my disease and admit that I’m powerless against it on my own.

Since reaching out for help, I have found a new freedom. Although nothing has changed in my world, my perception has.  I don’t know what tomorrow holds, but today, food doesn’t have a hold on me, and for that I am grateful.

Tick Tock

Time is a funny thing, when you’re a kid, or in pain, or alone, it seems to drag on forever. However, if you’re juggling a full-time job, a part-time job, three twelve-step meetings a week, planning a trip, a bridal shower, AND a wedding like I am, time seems to slip through your fingers like wet soap in the shower!

I’m sorry I haven’t posted sooner, but once I get used to my new schedule I hope to be back to updating the blog regularly once again.  That said, do you know what day it is? It is the first of the month and that means weigh-in time!  But before I get to that, it’s also my daughter’s birthday! She turned 30 today! Where did the time go?! She was my precious little angel face a moment ago, and now she’s this incredibly talented, kind, loving young woman! I love her more than an endless supply of Nutella!

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Speaking of Nutella, guess who hasn’t had any since the epic binge to end all binges two months ago? Moi! Honest to goodness, the Twelve-Step program has been an answer to prayer! Not only is the weight dropping off, but my mental and emotional state around food has never been better.  I heard a saying at one of the meetings last week that really hit home… “You come for the vanity, but you stay for the sanity.”

The structure may be rigid, but it’s really helping. My favourite part of the program is the early morning meditation followed by 30-minutes of quiet time.  It helps me to slow things down and spend time with God (my Higher Power). The practice is teaching me to live ONE DAY AT A TIME, which is keeping me sane with all of life’s demands.  In the past, burying my head in the fridge was my go to for comfort, and I’ve got to say, I like the view out here a lot better!

Look to this day

For my food journals, click here.

For my monthly measure up results, click here.