Memory Of A Landscape

A few years ago, my entire family went on an Alaskan cruise to celebrate my parents’ 50th wedding anniversary.  We had a fabulous time and made memories I will cherish for the rest of my days.

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The ship was luxurious, but it paled in comparison to the majestic landscape. Alaska was the best diet I ever went on… who could eat when your jaw spent most of the time on the floor, agape with wonder at the breathtaking surroundings!

I wanted to make the most of my experience, so I booked several excursions, like whale watching, a train ride to the White Pass Summit, and one to Mendenhall Glacier.

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Shortly after my trip, a friend who knew I became fascinated with icebergs shared a video clip called Chasing Ice, which depicts the largest glacier calving captured on film.  It left me speechless – from the creaking and groaning sounds before it ripped apart, to the velocity of the mammoth ice blocks shooting to the sky and then tumbling into the sea with such force and power.  It was both spectacular and terrifying. The filmmakers wanted to document a “memory of a landscape” which continues to be transformed due to climate change.   A calving is a breaking off, or detaching caused by a rift, and I believe I am on the verge of one myself.

It seems that a microscopic fissure developed within me around the same time I decided to embark on my search for my after, and with every step it subtly widened.  I didn’t notice at first, but eventually I began to hear faint sighs and moans, and when I realized these sounds were not from my aging knees, I began to investigate.

What I’ve been able to ascertain so far is that they’re not coming from the stubborn fat clinging to my hips, butt, and thighs – however, my body is being positively affected by this shift. They’re also not coming from my ritualistic OCD patterns and habits – but they too, seem to be favourably impacted.   They seem to be coming from a locked compartment in my mind.

Initially, I only thought my expedition was taking me into the world of testing diets in the hope of finding the right one for me, but now I realize it was also a mission to test myself. The thoughts and beliefs I’ve held onto as my personal truths are being challenged, causing disruption and rumblings at my core. My mind is like that glacier, and the moment I surrender to the mental and emotional climate change happening within me, the inevitable calving will take place ultimately changing my landscape, both inside and out.

Today I stand on the precipice of a deep crevasse that wasn’t there nearly a year ago, and with one more month to go in the experiment, I sense the final plan will set everything in motion. I’m both excited about where it will take me, and I petrified I can’t stop it. Regardless of the outcome, this blog will serve as a memory of a landscape that was once me.

To view my Week 47 food journal, click here.

One thought on “Memory Of A Landscape

  1. “Calving”- I love this word. It describes shedding all that you need to separate yourself from. Love you. Keep on calving!


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