Cheeky Game Show Host Mare: Hello, and welcome to Health or Consequences where our contestant aims to achieve the weekly 70,000 recommended steps for optimal health. Should she reach, or surpass this goal, she will do the Walk of Fame! However, if she falls short of the target, she will do the Walk of Shame, and will have to complete a consequence chosen by the audience! Game Show Announcer Mare, tell us what we already know.
Game Show Announcer Mare: We’ve got Mare, from Searching For My After.
Cheeky Game Show Host Mare: Welcome back, Mare. Have you recovered from last week’s debacle?
Mare: I’m trying to, but it still stings.
Cheeky Game Show Host Mare: Have you done your consequence yet?
Mare: Not yet, but I’m working on it.
Cheeky Game Show Host Mare: Let me remind you and our audience that you have 4 weeks from the time you draw the consequence from the Bucket o’ Shame to complete it. If you don’t, tell her what happens next Game Show Announcer Mare.
Game Show Announcer Mare: Ahhh… we haven’t thought that far ahead….
Cheeky Game Show Host Mare: …You have to eat a slug!
Mare: You made that up!
Cheeky Game Show Host Mare: Yes. Yes, I did. But until we come up with an adequate penalty for not completing your consequence, eating a slug it is.
Mare: How is that relevant to the show?
Cheeky Game Show Host Mare: Do you want to eat a slug?
Cheeky Game Show Host Mare: Do you want ill health?
Cheeky Game Show Host Mare: And that’s how it’s relevant!
Mare: I assure you, you’ll have my filmed consequence before the 4 weeks are up.
Cheeky Game Show Host Mare: Wonderful! How do you think you did last week?
Cheeky Game Show Host Mare: How awesome?
Mare: So awesome my feet hurt from all the walking.
Cheeky Game Show Host Mare: No forgetting to put your bit back in the wristband after charging it this week?
Mare: That’s a mistake I’ll only make once!
Game Show Announcer Mare: Like the time we tucked our skirt into our underwear and walked out of the house giving the neighbours a peep show?
Mare: We said we would never speak of that to anyone!
Cheeky Game Show Host Mare: All-righty then, let’s see what the all-seeing, all-knowing, step-sensing, Fitbit report reveals….
*The Fitbit wheel of truth spins… beep-boo-beep-boo-beeeeee-booooooooooooo*
Cheeky Game Show Host Mare: 80,036! Outstanding! You get to do the Walk of Fame this week.
Mare: What a relief! I don’t think I could face the Bucket o’ Shame again so soon!
Cheeky Game Show Host Mare: Tell her what she wins Game Show Announcer Mare!
Game Show Announcer Mare: Mare, during your Walk of Fame you’ll get to toot your own horn and continue to improve your health!
Cheeky Game Show Host Mare: That’s an all-time record for you. How did you manage to get 8 days of steps into 7? Did you start sleepwalking?
Mare: Sleepwalking… what a great idea! A step is a step no matter when you take it!
Game Show Announcer Mare: I wonder how many steps those Walking Dead zombies get in a day? They’re always on the go. I bet they kill it on their progress report! Get it? Kill it?!!! I crack myself up.
Cheeky Game Show Host Mare: Geesh, anything for a line. So, Mare, what did you do to break your record?
Mare: I bought comfy walking shoes and kept walking from the moment I laced them up. I kept the car in the driveway this weekend, and I walked anyplace within 2 km that I would normally have driven to, like the grocery store, and my girlfriend’s place.
Cheeky Game Show Host Mare: Was it difficult?
Mare: Somewhat for a plus-sized girl like me, but it’s getting easier every day.
Cheeky Game Show Host Mare: I can’t wait to see what you register next week. Until then, I’m Cheeky Game Show Host Mare, reminding you to choose HEALTH, or else you’ll have to live with the CONSEQUENCES!