Captain’s Log – HMS Mare, the 21st day of March, in the year of our Lord 2015: I’m starting to drift. I’m several months into my voyage and I don’t see land anymore – there is nothing before me, and nothing behind. Water, water every where.
I cast off at 253.8 poundatitude on December 1st, 2014, and set sail for the distant land located at 140 poundatitude. I knew full well I would encounter choppy waters when I shoved off all those months ago. I’ve attempted this crossing before, but failed to reach the sunny shores of the size 12 utopia I have been assured exists.
My compass indicates I’m veering off course by a few degrees. If I don’t make adjustments soon, I will drift endlessly, or worse yet, get marooned on the desolate island of Failed Attempts yet again.
The waters have been still for one moon cycle. I need a breeze to propel me forward, but the wind slumbers. This ancient MAREiner is forced to row-row-row her diet boat alone, and I am growing weary. Being mindful of every morsel is exhausting, and my motivation is waning. I need to rest, to sleep, perchance to dream of crispy potato chips, soft gooey caramel, and mouth-watering pie a la mode.
Captain’s Log – HMS Mare, the 25th day of March, in the year of our Lord 2015: I hear voices. Beautiful. Haunting. Am I hallucinating? No, I’ve heard them before.
The seductive Sirens surface from the great abyss and soothe me with their bewitching song. They feel neglected and need to be fed. I am their vessel. Their names: One-Bite and It’s-Okay.
This sultry duo have their routine down pat: one tempts, the other pacifies. They’re intoxicating and before I know it, I’ve had one bite of a cookie, but it’s okay because I’ve been good for so long. Then they offer me chocolate covered candied ginger, acceptable for my blood type diet, so it’s okay to have one bite. They propose one bite more, and then another… but it’s okay because a few bites do not a binge make.
My solitude welcomes their company and condones their lies. This happens for a few days. A week. Going on two. One-Bite doesn’t look as attractive now, but it’s okay, she still looks better than me.
In my sugar induced stupor, I look at my food journal and immediately feel ashamed. As soon as I do, One-Bite and It’s-Okay distract me with popcorn, biscotti, and skinny vanilla lattes. The aroma is enchanting and envelopes me – I swoon and fall under its spell. I notice an albatross circling above me before I fall into a food triggered guilt coma.
When I awake, the temptresses are gone, but I am not alone. They left me with a ravenous companion called, Shame. We must learn to coexist on this journey. I adjust our course and navigate towards the infinite horizon.
Captain’s Log – HMS Mare, the 30th day of March, in the year of our Lord 2015: A single sunbeam pierces through the clouds and dances on the water. Both Shame and I are mesmerized by its buoyant optimism. A whisper of hope is ushered on the awakened breeze and reinvigorates me.
Misery loves company, and madness calls it forth.
– Yann Martel, Life of Pi
For Week 17 food journal, click here.